Is it true that when all you want to do is sleep, you're depressed?
When you're at your happiest, you're sleeping.
Maybe I'm just thinking this way because my eyes are swollen.
He's addicted to heroine.
So I'm afraid to sleep because I'm afraid I'll dream of him dying.
No one reads this so it my mind outlet.
My head is heavy.
My lips are scabbing.
My heart is skipping.
I'm sick.
It makes it worse because everyone tells me there's nothing I can do and I know it's true.
I guess I could go sit on a couch somewhere else,
Surrounded by people who have no idea,
Who have their own problems and can still fake happiness like I can.
I want someone to just spill their guts to me.
I want to worry about someone's life rather than my own.
My life is easy.
I want my mind to shut the fuck up.

Sitting, naked.

I lay naked with hair made of daisies,
toes made of grass, fingers of twigs,
my breasts are moons, gravity in the dark,
the wind kisses down my stream of a stomach,
bears and jaguars are friends today,
we live in a castle under the sea,
Poseidon is my lover, Atlantis is my bed,
I give birth to dragons from my mouth,
Stone walls turn to sand in my eyes,
Stars crack in her pitch black eyes,
Her teeth stare from under her lips,
Ears like a bird of the night, she is mine,
Delicate and deadly, graceful and gory,
I am the wicked result of a witch and a lion,
With scratches on my legs and skeletons in my cauldron,
You built four walls around me,
I am naked in a galaxy.

gah, bum.
i'm just kinda faking.
so if you think we're friends, we're probably not,
unless i make an effort.
you'll know what i mean.
gah, bum.

I can't sleep.
I can't write.
I hate anxiety that I can't seem to stop.
I can't focus.
I don't even know what else to write, I need to get it out there. But how?

Surrounded by the music coming from the record player,
Drunkards squished onto a couch,
Having a conversation about bugs and ketchup,
Being drowned by time,
It's one thirty in the morning and I'm freezing,
Wanting to grab an oversized blanket and curl up on that bed,
I let my eyes focus on dirty jeans,
Pretending to read,
Dodgy dreams and swollen throats.

I don't enjoy dreaming of being in a car with a strange person,
and that person telling me who I am.
Or dreams of toxic poisons filling the air.

8am wake up call.

So for the past few days I've had to get up very early for doctor appointments.
I guess it's been nice waking up early?
Except for the fact that I always take a nap around 3pm and then try to fall asleep at 11pm and can never do it.
Therefore making me super tired every morning.
Boo.

The thunderstorm tonight was great.
Tomorrow looks like it will be a great day to do nothing.
Perhaps get some ice cream down in Trolley,
Cuddle and watch Lost in the nighttime.
May 31st is getting closer.
=]

Mike starts his job Thursday night.


I've been listening to this song over and over again because I can't find the lyrics so I'm trying to learn them on my own.

All I've gotten so far is...
"I'm counting sheep while you sleep,
Television lights take effect on me...
...
I'm building castles to protect you"

Or something like that.